SEED

Live Journal Entry circa: May 21st, 2004

view from the outside...

I felt the trickling downpour of the rain, I lay on the soil with my body strewn on the ground naked. I could feel my senses turning numb from the unyielding needle like sensation prickling on my skin--like ice and fire brought down from heaven to burn and to chill me, both at the same time.

It was with natural reaction that I spread my hands above my head concealing my face from the troubled sky, I wanted to hide and seek refuge. But I found no one... I found nothing that could shelter me from this...this...excruciating pain that I feel.

I curled myself in remorse I huddled and cried out loud...but I could not hear my self. I was starting to loose my strength and later I knew I have no other option but to feel the pain and bow myself on the ground humbled by the thought that I knew not how to live.

Drift...

Drift...

Drift...

I opened my eyes tired from shutting them out from the reality, tired of crying out my tears, tired of how it feels. Little by little I stood up on my shaky feet with my eyes staring at the calloused feet I had from the struggle. I stood like a ravished piece of creature left alone on the center of some quite and desolate place. I steadied myself, and with courage I planted my feet on this ground that has kept me since.

I opened my eyes, I breathed, and I lived because... I have to.