Missing You by John Waite
Silent thoughts of sadness crept-in as I realized that I am alone... not that I wanted to, but it seemed to be the most sane idea of a compromise that I can figure out. To sit alone with my thoughts as I stare at my screen knowing I have other things to do for the day.
My mind wanders off to distant memories and text messages I used to send knowing that you'd somehow send something in return... days when I shared breakfasts and thoughts with you. Not that I wouldn't want to do it all over again but it scares me now that I don't know if you'd appreciate the meaningless exchange of nothings of the now turned empty conversations which has become always cautious. If I were to dream and wish something this very moment... it would be that you'd hold my hands in silence making me understand what I meant to you, if at all.
I remembered how you made me cry for something as crazy as your asthma attack and how you forced me to wear those headphones just so I wont hear how bad the wheezing turned out. That made me feel that cared enough to shield me from my fear and I miss that moment because now I am starting to not know you anymore from that distant and fading memory.
I remembered how you recalled the happiest moment we ever had, you said was the time I had to cuddle and rest my head on your chest... the first embrace, the time that you and I decided just to be in that moment together. Remembering the rhythm of your heart in each waking moment I curl my self to sleep... perhaps to dream of that moment once more--in the comfort of your arms I'd chase my nightmares away.
Now, I look at my phone and scroll down in search of your name and opening an inbox of yesterdays while I shared breakfast with my spoon and fork--mindlessly chewing my thoughts. Hesitating, if I'd send the message I just composed out of whim just to let you know what I was thinking... I had to read it once over, erased and paraphrased until I ended up with not a single word and finally deciding not to send it at all. My fingers weed through my inbox as it used to be filled with messages of you but now... I wonder why I kept this phone when I can just get a cheap alarm clock.
As I write in search of that period to end this mindless reverie, I can't help my eyes as they tear up... I thought, just a hopeful sigh of a thought... how happy I was. I wanted you to be happy regardless if it meant without me in it. I just want to hear you laugh honestly again and smile as carefree as your grin. Shamefully I want to be happy too. If only we could just be happy again... together.
Then I pressed send. The message flew across but I don't know if you got it or not... or whether it even mattered.
