café

Sitting here with you nursing a stupidly pricey cup of coffee concoctions, I smile dreamily to myself while hoping that somehow the time I spent with you, you are there with me. On a lazy afternoon I met you and we talked, I mused and I was happy seeing you again after quite some time.

Now that we are here, I try so hard to make you feel you are the only person in my world but I failed terribly for I have this nagging feeling of somehow trying to make you feel a bit jealous. I wanted to know if you cared, if you missed me and if you are here with me because of me. I never can demand much of your time, you have a life and I have mine.

But at this afternoon in a lonely café, we tried to be there for each other at least you did for me. I can see your eyes looking at me trying to tell me something I can never be sure of. You were of a few words but in those words you strike me, a humility that is just beyond me.

I replay in my mind the moment our eyes met, that I tried to hold your gaze but you were stubborn and I have to look away. I cannot bear you to see how I have been waiting for you, aching… longing. I tried to look away and stare bluntly at the others passing idly by the window acting as if I am enamored by that stranger, you followed my gaze and I knew you were thinking—but of what? That I will never know.

I tried to pretend that I don’t need you more than I would a friend—just a friend.

But as I sit back and remember that day, I know in my heart I miss you. And at that time, one thing I am really sure of was that I wanted for you to stay a while and make me feel you felt the same way. But somehow I dread the truth, you have a life I have mine.

We walked out of the café after some time; I basked in your presence and hold on to the moment. Time was constantly tugging on my mind, asking whether what comes next… another wait? Should I let go or should I not?

We lingered on like birds perched on a tree, and I wonder do you ever think of me? You sat there in front of me at another place I love to eat, sitting with your worries we shared a meal. I know by then I am counting minutes and you would fly back to your nest …to your life.

We head out to the cross roads with promises to see each other again at another time… soon. You sent me to the station, you guided me there. We stood by the stairs oblivious of stares I reached out for your hand, held on a little bit more. We shook hands like friends usually do but emotions just flood me. We grasped for time a little bit more with promises for another time. See you soon we said, it was never good bye, never I hope. I head to my station without looking back knowing we’ll meet again.

We flit and we parted, you have a life I have my own.

I remembered looking into your eyes trying hard to understand what it is that you are saying beneath all the worries and all the frustration. I tried so hard and here am trying still… I do love you, I have never felt so sure and I know I hesitate. This is more real that can ever be and it can never be more real than this.